A Mind Fuck

"Watch enough porn, and it will finally fail to turn you on".

I say, great. Bring it on. Isn't that the whole point?

Porn is not desire. Porn is a mechanism. A dick rubbing against a clit is not lust, it is merely friction. Look into the expressions. A good porn actor/actress knows how to project desire through their faces.

A good actor knows how to project emotions through their faces. You need to begin with Betty Boop to understand the beauty of Meryl Streep.

The fact that your first blue film made you automatically reach for your cock was not because you were aroused by lust for the actors (but maybe you were, I am not a psychologist). It was the novelty of the taboo, wasn't it? If you met the actors and they offered to have a threesome with you, your dick might go limp in an instant (I'm just guessing).

So many group sex videos, so little realization how much bravery that takes. To undress, to be judged and scrutinized by the size of your chest, your feet, your face, your dick. So much trust, in what once was a niche.

Sex is a symbiosis. Master-slave relationships included. For one helps the other attain the height of their desire to help the other attain the height of the other's desire.

I fuck you because you make it enjoyable fucking you.

Be it man, woman, fleshlight or tree.

Trust your ears to the erotica of violin strings. They do not call it the devil's tongue for no reason.

Trust your touch to the ripples of skin folded over the small muscles of his eye.

Trust your sight to the crimson shadow beneath her earlobe. Kiss it.

Work your senses to it's death. Like a shoeless hermit traversing the earth. Each callous a barrier to the touch of soil underneath him. Yet he grows closer and fonder of his surroundings.

Watch more porn.

For now, let me be seduced by me. 

A Thousand Island and a Spoon

No, I did not miss a plural there, FYI.

Living on the edge ...of your bank account (I don't even have one), tends to make one creative. Very creative, especially in matters related to food.

I am willing to bet that most of us poor freelancers have at least been tempted to try the whole instant noodle shelf in supermarkets. Instant noodles are cheap and come in colourful packets that are able to fool you into thinking each of them will taste wonderfully unique.

(At least here in Malaysia) you will be able to find instant noodles with varying nationalities. Nissin, a Japanese brand is one of my favourites. I'm not a fan of the Korean noodles, tho. Actually, I am not a fan of any Korean food, except for Bulgogi, and that's because it is meat. Just meat heated in a pan. Yum. I am a pig.

The Indonesian instant noodles are amazing. However, for some unknown reason (to me) the imported ones in the supermarkets here taste really odd and different from their local counterparts. I remember living in Yogyakarta (and being dirt poor) and still able to buy a basketful of one months supply of different flavoured  noodles. Vegetarian, satay, tomato, corn, beef, even anchovy flavours! I was in instant noodle heaven.

My favourite was the hot and spicy ones, especially ABC's Spicy Hot Tomato. My palate, however, is sensitive to heaty foods. And sometimes you get bored of the same old shit. Do you experience the same problems?

Fret no more. Let me introduce to you:

The MESSIAH!!!

The amazing Thousand Island dressing. For salads.

Of course, mayonnaise will work just fine, and is more flexible in it's use. But lemme finish, alright?

Mayo is a much healthier option and you can even use it to condition your hair, use as a facial mask and for polishing piano keys, but it still lacks that tangy taste of a thousand island. AAAAANNNNNDDDD... here's the buy it or leave it deal: Mayo rarely comes in nifty flip top, squeezable bottles like the Thousand Island. I don't know why they don't, but they really should think about repackaging mayo.

For more mayo beauty tips:  http://www.rd.com/home/11-home-and-beauty-uses-for-mayonnaise/

Somehow, a spoonful of thousand island will help take off the HOT bite out of the instant noodles, and lend it a delightful soft texture. I like it. I prefer this to adding cheese.

So far I have tried eating this with:

• fried foods (nuggets, sausages, popiah, etc)
• rice (yes, plain rice. When you're really really really really broke)
• bread
• some body parts (but let's no go there)

It is cheap and holds well. So why the hell not?

A Reclaimed Past Time and a Little Book Pimpin'

Hello there.

This is awkward.

I have been absent from the blogosphere for so long. I feel like I have betrayed my blogging roots.

My hair is longer now. You can't see it now, but maybe you can imagine.

I've fleshed out a bit. By a bit I mean by 20 kilos. Yeap, baby really got back now.

Haha.

Um.

Look, I can explain my absence. On second thoughts, maybe I can't. Maybe I just don't want to.

Still battling with depression. Yep yep. Still not dependant on drugs. Nope nope. Still a silent attention-seeker. Sigh.

Anyway...

Not only one, but TWO books with a short story by yours truly is out now. Both are different stories, although maybe in the same vein. So sue me for being a one track writer. No, don't. I'm still struggling with debt from college years.

Here goes.

BOOK THE FIRST: DIRTY : DIRTY (dirty paintings by Mugi Takei)

I don't know what to say about this book. I have not received my own copy (which was my only payment. Not complaining because it was kind of a really super short mini story) so I can't provide you with a review yet. All I can say is that a bunch of guys and girls wrote smut and had it compiled to be bound, published and sold. Oh and a girl (hot pixie cut) drew the illustrations.

As you can probably tell, it's erotica. And I promise you it will be dirty. I don't know why I used my full name tho. Silly idiot. I hope I don't get into trouble with the local government. Wait, I jinxed it by typing that out didn't I? Pray for me please.

Moving on.

BOOK THE SECOND: KOPI

First of all, this book is limited edition. So before continuing with the review, you may need to order it here if you are in Malaysia or here if you are overseas and able to read in Malay or have the time and effort to spare to have it translated. I would offer you my services, but I'm kind of busy at the moment juggling THREE novels to translate and working towards getting into college (again!)

Like what the Amazon description said, this is

"An anthology of 19 addictive short stories by writers associated with the Malaysian publishing label Fixi. All are inspired by coffee. Some stories are dark and hot, others are creamy and smooth. Have a sip!"

I would have written a less cheerful description though. But judging on how fast the books are flying off the shelves, I'm glad I wasn't responsible for the description write-up. And seriously guys, this book is selling like hot cakes. And there will not be a reprint, despite the typos which are now (jokingly) a trademark of FIXI (hey, I didn't say it, I think it was that Zombijaya guy).

And now for a sorta kinda review.

Most of the writers stuck to the same style of "whoops, surprise ending! Betcha didna see THAT coming!". But hey, that's okay. I like that kind of storytelling method. It's traditional and it works. And the stories are great. They reflect the Malaysian culture (both apparent and hidden). I learned a lot of things about Malaysia from reading this book. (For those not in the know, I have been away from Malaysia for a long time and I am now a recluse who stays at home. So keep your snide remarks to yourself).

However, a few writers broke out of that traditional mould. Here are the stories which made me go "whoa":

I am a fan of Neil Gaiman and Eddie Izzard. One is a writer and the other is a stand up comedian who is now a so-so actor. Both deliver materials that are surreal, sometimes rambling, but always interesting.

Venti by Redza Minhat, Malam di Meja Tempat Kau Terlentok by Hafiz Hamzah, Hari Inditih by Asyraf Bakti and my superduperawesomest favourite Luwak dan Kretek by Ridhwan Saidi managed to be surreal and made me go "SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT" all the way through the KTM ride from KL Sentral to Sungai Gadut.

Kudos goes to Nik Adam Ahmad who was the only one to present his story (Kopi Jantan Kaw) through the medium of photography. "Massage" girls, a begging cup stuffed with money and a lonely rattan chair were among part of his cast.

Special special special thanks to Raja Faisal for meeting up with me and putting up with my dull IRL persona. And for that coffee. And for all that anecdote. And for making me late for my train (Okay, admittedly it was because I couldn't get a cab at that damned eCurve).

I'll hopefully be able to make it to the book launch this 24th March. So if you see a timid short stubby girl looking really awkward and out of place, please say hi?

Are we friends again now?